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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358973">holding in my soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572'>ThirteenthMouse6572</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SW Drabbles &amp; Shorts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Can be platonic or romantic, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sort Of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:47:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan often went walking when his mind wouldn’t quiet down, but on The Negotiator, he was confined to his own quarters.</p><p>(or: Obi-Wan deals with his errant soul with some help from a trustworthy Commander)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CC-2224 | Cody &amp; Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SW Drabbles &amp; Shorts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813846</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>244</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>holding in my soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Obi-Wan often went walking when his mind wouldn’t quiet down, but on <em>The Negotiator,</em> where there were hundreds of troopers trying to sleep off their latest battle, he was confined to his own quarters to avoid disturbing them with his footsteps on the metal flooring.</p><p>An unfortunate side effect to his self-imposed isolation was the fact that his quarters were oh-so-quiet, and his mind was oh-so-loud. Obi-Wan had a blanket (one of his only possessions) back in his quarters on Coruscant for times like this; heavier than the recommended weight of a weighted blanket for someone of his stature, but it helped anchor his soul to his body and his mind to reality. However, said blanket was back on Coruscant and he was trapped on the edge of reality with nothing to hold him down.</p><p>A small light was blinking from the comm unit on his wrist that he hadn’t taken off (much like his armour and robes) and Obi-Wan found himself staring at it blankly, hoping the steady rhythm would calm his racing mind for long enough that he could <em>breathe</em> for a moment.</p><p>It didn’t.</p><p>He wrapped the thin regulation-assigned blanket (which couldn’t really be called a <em>blanket</em> so much as a large piece of fabric) as tightly around himself as he could and curled up in the corner made by the walls. He wondered if, upon wishing hard enough, he could be absorbed by the cool metal and not deal with the war and the death and destruction it wrought.</p><p><em>Force,</em> he had lost so many men. Men who had looked to <em>him</em> for direction of what to do, which barricades to attack and which strategies to employ. Strategies that had lost him so many men, he had lost count (but never forgotten their names, he would never forgive himself if he forgot even <em>one</em> name).</p><p>His brain helpfully provided him with strategies that would have saved more men, ways he could’ve <em>done more</em>; been faster, cut down more droids, not doubted himself as long as he did. If he was <em>more observant</em>… Krell wouldn’t have caused all that chaos, he wouldn’t have trapped Rex with him on Zygerria, wouldn’t have kept Anakin out with the Rako Hardeen mission.</p><p>The tell-tale heavy feeling of tears thudded at the back of his eyes and he swallowed thickly, rubbing at them through the blanket. The scratchy fabric did nothing but irritate his eyes, causing more tears to form in protest. He tried to curl into himself further, pulling his knees to his chest and clenching his fingers around the blanket as if he could hold in his soul by trapping it between his limbs.</p><p>His chest tightened as the first tears fell and he suddenly regretted not shedding his armour before he sat in the bunk. The plastoid – restrictive on a good day – felt too tight, pressing down on his chest. <em>Too-tight</em> like the Force Inhibitors put around a neck too many times; <em>too-tight</em> like the choked-out scream as a beloved Master died in shaking arms.</p><p>A ripple of <em>help-me, save-me</em> cut through the Force, intercepting the dreams of the 212<sup>th</sup> and waking a few men up in confusion. The Jedi, curled up and struggling to breathe on a too-hard bunk, didn’t notice the ripple, too encompassed within his own mind to feel; too encompassed to reach out for <em>help</em> (at least, consciously).</p><p>The Jedi – who thought the title of Jedi wasn’t deserved, the title of Padawan, Knight, Master – removed clenched fingers from around the blanket and moved them to ginger hair (which was overdue for a cut, the Jedi noted absently). The Jedi wanted to – the Force urged the Jedi to – just unclip the armour and throw it away. But the Jedi <em>couldn’t</em>, couldn’t untangle fingers from hair to move properly.</p><p>Down the hall, a mostly-awake Clone Commander walked the path towards the Jedi’s quarters, boots barely making a sound on the floor. A knock on the door went unanswered by the Jedi, so the memorised code was input, and the door opened with a quiet hiss of hydraulics.</p><p>The Jedi flinched at the noise, head shooting up and body flinching away further into the corner. The Commander took a tentative step towards the bunk, which covered most of the gap between the two men. “General?” the Commander asked softly. The Jedi’s breathing was erratic, (imagined) pressure restricting the chest containing a pounding heart. “Obi-Wan, can I touch you?”</p><p>A few beats passed before the Jedi nodded shakily, allowing the Commander to step towards him without flinching away. The Commander placed one knee on the bunk, the edge giving way beneath his weight. “You need to breathe, Obi-Wan,” he said, placing a hand on the Jedi’s forearm lightly. “Can you follow my breathing?”</p><p>The Commander guided the Jedi’s wrist to his chest, breathing deliberately. He counted the seconds between each breath as his hand rose and fell with the Commander’s chest – his Commander Cody. He tried his best to follow along, chest convulsing with a hiccough every few breaths, but eventually, his chest wasn’t so tight, and the armour wasn’t so restrictive.</p><p>“Let’s get you out of that armour, sir,” Cody muttered.</p><p>He nodded and slowly uncurled his knees, allowing Cody access to the few bits of armour he wore. He stayed still and quiet as his Commander carefully removed and discarded the pieces on the ground, only moving to give Cody access to his back.</p><p>“Are you okay, sir? Would you like me to stay here with you?”</p><p>Obi-Wan blinked a few times, twisting his hands into the blanket. “If it’s not a bother,” he rasped out, wiping at his eyes. “Thank you, Cody.”</p><p>Cody crawled into the bunk, sitting close to Obi-Wan but far enough away that he wasn’t crowded into the corner. Obi-Wan, after a few moments hesitation, moved over and curled into Cody’s side, listening to the Commander’s strong heartbeat.</p><p>His soul had returned to his body, guided back by the comforting light of his Commander’s Force Signature. Obi-Wan gave a small smile at the thought and buried himself further into Cody’s side and surrounding himself with the strong presence in the Force.</p><p>He would be okay, for now, at least.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed! the writing style i went for was a little bit of an experiment, so i hope it didn't sound too jarring or strange. feedback is happily accepted! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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